The Battle Is Far From Over...

Found on Facebook. Link takes you to the original.

As the Meme(s) Turn(s)

New Year's post... late, but wev!

First, One Word (from Reverb10 that I never finished, but I liked this one, so I'm doing it again, tweaked current; here's my entry for last year):

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)





My word for 2010 was upheaval. The word I wanted for 2011 was resolution.

I think, in retrospect, that 2011 was both upheaval and resolution. I mourned my dad (still do), lost my second grandmother, quit my job and moved a few states away for grad school. School was what I expected and then some; I'm missing my friends that I moved away from (but more or less managing to keep in touch) and struggling a bit to find my place here (and trying to be patient). Divorce negotiations remain unresolved (but we're getting closer). So less upheaval than 2010, and significant resolution in 2011... and it's not all doom and gloom. I'm making new friends, I spend a lot of time thinking about stuff (I forgot I liked theory as much as I do. Geek runs deep, apparently!). Learning a lot about myself. Loving where I live. Connecting with family.

So the word I'd like for 2012? Balance.


New Year's Meme (Questions lifted from Flavia, Squadrato, and Belle):

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Got involved (i.e. not just a paying member) of a national archaeology society
Organized a conference session
Made a commitment to engage with other disciplines, met some folks in related fields and committed to presenting archaeology at a history conference
Started doctoral studies
Won a prize in a baking competition



2. Did you keep your 2011 resolutions, and will you make more this year?
Resolutions for 2011 (and 2010): Speak up; Speak out; Do things that scare me; Get out of my head and into the world.

Kept? In general, yes. Still challenging, so keeping the same list for 2012, but adding 2 goals: more physical activity and eating at least two things each day that grew in the ground (friuts/veg).


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Colleagues having babies and expecting all over the place.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My paternal grandmother. I would really like to not attend a funeral in 2012.

5. What countries did you visit?
Great White North.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A fucking finished book, already.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Quitting my job, packing up all my shit, moving South of the Mason Dixon Line, starting over, and surviving my first semester of doctoral studies (it was touchy there for a bit).

8. What was your biggest failure?
Not really a failure, frustrating: a continued inability/reluctance to let go of a particular circumstance.


9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Random normal stuff. Several trips to a chiropractor got me moving without pain in the summer; some steriods got me to not look like some deformed monster after a bad allergic reaction.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
My own bed.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State and Elizabeth Warren running for MA Senate (almost wish I'd gone to school up there so I could vote for her...)

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Congress. Pretty much the lot of them, but most especially the Party of No.

13. Where did most of your money go?
Moving, furnishing, and schooling.

14. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Happier. Don't know about thinner/fatter, but less fit for sure. Grad student.

15. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Dancing.

16. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Not leaving my house.

17. Did you fall in love in 2011?
No.

18. What was the best new book you read?
Margaret Atwood's "In Other Worlds." I didn't read many new books this year (lots of older stuff, tons of school stuff...). I love Atwood's essays, so enjoyed it a lot.

19. What was your favorite film of the year?
Hrm. Really haven't seen movies this year. Hated the new Muppet Movie though.

20. What kept you sane?
Friends. Dancing. Sleeping. Eating right (better).


21. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I'm stronger than I thought I was. A little anxiety is normal. I need to trust myself more.

Radio Silence

I've been very quiet here lately.

Part of it has been just being busy (middle of my first term as a grad student), being sick (two freaking weeks, back to back, two different reasons), not going anywhere to take pictures (a cop out; I could take pix anywhere, I just haven't), and part of it is professional blogging-under-my-real-name elsewhere (professional as in real life archaeology stuff, not as in getting paid for it stuff!).

Most of it, though, is that I'm in transition, and figuring out who this new me is, what voice this new me has, how pseudonymous this new me is (or is likely to be), and what this new me has to share that won't a) blow my pseudonymous cover or b) if said cover gets blown/revealed/whatever, won't be a liability. Nothing here I think *would* be a liability, but I did poof a post yesterday because it felt too personal.

There's a lot of negotiating at school, too -- who are all these people, these classmates and professors? Who can I trust? Whose opinions and readings of things seem grounded and helpful? Who do I want to study with? Who will be helpful when I go to them in the weeds? How the hell am I going to get everything done? What things are more important than others, and I can therefore spend less effort on them?

I need to stop fretting so much and trust what I know, but it's a lot to process. And that's what I've been doing by not writing here... processing. As things settle, I'll be back.

In the mean time, I know what to wear for an interview!

Autumn Equinox

Overlook, South Rim Trail.
Taughannock Falls State Park, New York. September 23, 2011.

This is the second consecutive Autumn Equinox I've spent in the Finger Lakes area, this time on my way home from a family funeral.

I stopped briefly in Seneca Falls at Women's Rights National Historical Park. The interior is finished, but I didn't get inside this time. Perhaps next time I'm in the area? Peeking through the window, they've done something interesting along the base of the walls that I'd like to take a look at (as well as just being nosy). The Park is now on Facebook, and have been posting quotes and lots of photos from around the sites, including of places you'll never see as a visitor. It would be great to see more "likes" on their Facebook Page (hint hint).

Brickwork, Wesleyan Chapel. Women's Rights National Historical Park,
Seneca Falls, New York. September 23, 2011.

Then, to Taughannock Falls. I decided to poke around the South Rim Trail this time, in the rain. Kind of surprisingly, I wasn't the only one out in the rain. A continuous stream (no pun) of people looking at the falls from the overlook, a woman walking her dog, and a pair of hard-core hiker-types (with walking poles, not just walking sticks). The falls were running like it was the Spring Equinox, what with all the rain we've had.

Top of the Upper Falls. Taughannock Falls State Park, New York. September 23, 2011

After some time at the falls, I turned the car towards home. The ride home was, for the first time, not my usual route as I headed south instead of east, mapping the new geography of my life.

Texture of the ground, almost 500 feet above the base of the falls.
Taughannock Falls State Park, New York. September 23, 2011

Still Here.

Still here, still alive. Working to make sense of this new place, new school, new people, new schedule. Not enough hours in the day, but different than before when I was working 9-5. Finding that I still want to/need to blog about stuff.

Another death in the family. Another funeral.

Things are not all bad or stressful. I am grateful for good music, good people, good humor, dancers/ing, whoever invented beer, and the beginning of fall (in spirit, if not yet in fact).

Anniversary

If my math is correct, today is the 163'd anniversary of the First Women's Rights Convention. Approximately 300 people attended the convention, which spanned July 19 and 20, 1848 and was held in (and around) the Wesleyan Chapel, Seneca Falls, NY.

The Chapel is now part of the Women's Rights National Historical Park. The reconstruction of the Wesleyan Chapel, which has been an ongoing project for the past 3+ years, is complete, and today was its rededication. I wasn't there for today's events, but was recently while they were getting ready (that's a guy washing the Chapel windows):

Wesleyan Chapel, Women's Rights National Historical Park
Seneca Falls, New York. July 7, 2011

Finally, in honor of the day, The Distillers and their tune, "Seneca Falls":

Addicted

I've been looking for a particular bit of information for a while now. One of those "legend has it"s that I've been looking for proof of; one of those ones that you don't actively chase down, but keep an eye peeled for.

And last night? While watching Master Chef on demand (shhh, I have a secret cooking competition show vice) and screwing around on the Internets... I found it. Three lines in an obscure topical newspaper from the turn of the last century. One of those ones that makes you wonder how anyone found it to digitize in the first place, and still, what a crap shoot finding *anything* in the endless forest of digital databases is (I just happened to randomly be rooting around in what turned out to be the right place).

What a freaking rush! I felt like I'd won the lottery. I am totally addicted to this research thing...

Embedded and Implicated :: Responsibility

As archaeologists, we pride ourselves on the long view, but if we train our view only on the past, we neglect our present. And, if we have come to understand that our work is embedded and implicated in social and political context, then we cannot present that such was true only in the past, only during periods of acknowledged colonialism, or only true for earlier generations of archaeologists. It’s true right now.
-- Barbara J. Little*

* Reintegrating Archaeology in the Service of Sustainable Culture, Patty Jo Watson Distinguished Lecture in Archaeology, December 4, 2009, American Anthropological Association annual meetings, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Declarative Voice! Okay?

This rolled through my Facebook feed this afternoon, and I am entranced.

The animation is beautiful, I have a love of fonts, and the poem is really quite wonderful.

Typography from Ronnie Bruce on Vimeo.

Profane Mountains, Polite Plains

I love fun maps. Here's one for you:

Profane Mountains, Polite Plains by Daniel Huffman. It maps the frequency of swear words on Twitter, by location. The lighter the color, the more the profanity. The title of the blog post to which it is attached? "No Swearing in Utah".

The comments section is quite wonderful, with a geek-fest of methodology and data presentation questions. Including a discussion of the profanities in question and the use of wildcards to find them. Oh, and there's a bar of soap in there too, for when you talk to your mother with that mouth.

RBOC Part 2... "Soon" = 1 week

Parking lot, Jacob Riis Park, Gateway National Recreation Area, New York, March 2011. When this parking lot was built in the early 1930s, it was the largest parking lot in the world. It is on the National Register of Historic Places.

Sooooooooo...... yeah. The week got completely away from me, and "Shortly" became a week. Here then is RBOC Part 2:

• I didn't follow-up on the job search mentioned in Part 1 because of impending grad school. Which I am very excited about. And the more things unfold, the more clear it is that the school I'll be attending is really a fantastic choice.
• I have to get The Book done. I'm starting to freak out a little, though mashing data from a chapter I've eliminated into a chapter I'm keeping for several hours this week has made me feel better. Now I have to write about what it means. And stop researching, already!
• There is hope. Squadratomagico recently posted some quite beautiful writing about writing. I think any writer knows That Place. And I rejoice that it is possible to find the way out, and that Squadrao~ has both found the way, and shared.
• I'm writing a book review. I agreed because I've never written one before, and the book is about something I'm interested in researching once The Book is done, and you know, in my otherwise copious spare time. As I jump in with both feet, thank goodness for Historiann and her mailbag (not, by the way, the first time this week that I've thanked goodness and H'ann herself for her professionalization posts). Advice for book review writing: here and here. I'll definitely be keeping the second in mind as I choose my words.
• OMGSuperCoolSite may be closer to being a reality for dissertation research (happydance). I really hope this pans out; I'm starting to get terribly invested.
• Stumbled on this blog through links of links of links of other peoples' blogs. Gorgeous photography, and I really liked her how-to. This particular one on shooting the light. I still aspire to good photography taken on purpose even with my Little Sh!tty Camera. Mostly what I take now are "take lots of shots of things that look cool and see what turns out."

Speaking of, I have been remiss in posting pictures for months now, though I've dutifully been taking them. The last few RBOC will consist of pictures:

The Peterborough Lift Lock (Trent-Severn Waterway Lock 21), built 1904, Peterborough, Ontario, January 2011. This is the highest hydraulic lift lock in the world. Cool for skating in the winter, pretty amazing to watch in action in the summer.

Tangle. Bombay Hook National Wildlife Refuge, Delaware, March 2011.

Disposing of an outbuilding, near Dover, Delaware, March 2011. When I called 911, they thanked me for calling, but the farmer was just getting rid of an outbuilding. Archaeological implications: yeah, taking note.

Philosophical Positioning

1. The personal is political. (Source of some debate)

2. The medium is the message (Marshal McLuhan)

3. All history is local (Joseph Amato, possibly others earlier)

Application Watch: Early Results

Seven applications to PhD programs mailed out. I've heard back from four:

1. The Land Far Far Away: Rejected.
2. South of the Mason-Dixon Line: Unofficial acceptance; waiting for paperworks.
3. Snowstorm City: Accepted.
4. Hippyville: No word.
5. Place With Brutalist Architecture: No word.
6. Unique Program: No word.
7. Hippyville East: Waitlisted.

No. 2 is my super-first-choice, and I'm stoked. But I don't want to say no thanks to Snowstorm City until I have official officiallness from South of the Mason-Dixon Line. I know the department chair doesn't just call and tell you that you've been accepted for shits and giggles. And I know that the sooner I tell Snowstorm City no thanks the better for anyone on their waitlist (and they're being quite aggressive in keeping in touch; not annoyingly so, but persistently so).

But I Just. Can't. Do. It. This is too important, and it hits some "Look! A Good Thing! Watch Now As I Snatch It Away" buttons. So I will wait, possibly irrationally so.

Re: rejection from Far Far Away? I'm ok with that. I just wanted to see if I could get in! Hippyville East: ok with the waitlisting; not the best fit, really.

Update February 28:
5. Place With Brutalist Architecture: Accepted

Update March 4:
2. South of the Mason Dixon Line: Official letter received (yay email and pdf). Heading down late next week for the meet n' greet. *excited*

Update March 8:
4. Hippyville. Rejected. An expected rejection; many good things have come and will continue to come from this application.

6. Unique Program: Accepted.

Reflections, Resolutions, and the Big Four Oh

It's my birthday. The big 4-0. I didn't post a New Year round-up/resolutions post because, well, I didn't. So I'm going to do it now, all balled up with my holy-shit-I'm-40 post. I may decide this is too much personal information, at which point I'll take it down. *shrug*

I started this blog as part of an exercise in expressing my voice. There's a backstory, of course, but the upshot was feeling that everyone elses' stuff and voices were more important than my own. That I didn't matter. Sounds bleak, and it sucked. It's not a "poor me" thing; just how it was. Some of it was taught to me by others when I didn't know better, some of it was self-imposed as survival strategies that became less effective over time, and some of it was tied up in low self-esteem issues. I was getting by, and I thought that was enough.

In my 38th year, with my eye on the Impending Forty and catalyzed by a series of events that I have a hard time passing off as merely coincidental, I had a good hard look at my life. And I didn't like it. I wanted more... to be happy, for one. To pursue my interests. To find my voice. I poked my head out of the tiny little existence I'd built for myself, and holy shit, there's a whole amazing world out there!

I made a lot of changes. Left a long term relationship. Got back into reading and researching. Cultivated a social life. Applied for grad school. Piped up and pissed a few people off. Piped up and apparently scared a few people off. Piped up and got misunderstood some. Piped up and made some new friends both in person, via email, and in blog-land. Piped up and met some great people both within my field and in others that share similar research interests (also in person, via email, and in blog-land). Started taking pictures again. Had FUN! Ups and downs -- deaths, divorce negotiations, good days and bad days, neighbors who shovel their snow behind my car, health scares.

Overall, though, life is pretty good. I laid a lot of groundwork over the past couple of years, and things are looking up.

My resolutions for 2011 and my 40th year:
- Speak up
- Speak out
- Do things that scare me
- Get out of my head and into the world

They served me well last year, so I'm dragging them out this year too. Ya gotta do what works, ya know?

It's not really about wheels...

I've been hammering away at The Book. I'm happy to say I've made some progress. I'm sad to say it hasn't been in the parts of the book that need it most. That is to say, I've spent a lot of time tweaking parts for which I already have a Shitty First Draft. What I need to be doing is buckling down and writing Shitty First Drafts for the parts that I have notes for but no text.

At least I've been able to reconsider the structure of the thing. There's been enough work on the subject that I no longer need a chapter Inventing The Wheel: Chronology, and I can therefore collapse two chapters into one. Instead, I'll write the chapter, Wheels Are All Round But Not Necessarily The Same Thing: Dating Your Wheels Is More Complex Than It Seems. Or at least jam the discussion somewhere into The Book.

Really, the only chapters I have left are:

• The Introduction (write this last)
• Why Wheels At All, Really? (the Bear in the Book. OMG. I have over 100 pages of notes that are freaking me out. I need to just bite the bullet; I suspect they will condense nicely. I don't need to regurgitate everyone's take on Wheels, just summarize and refer. Right? Right.)
• Wheels Are All Round.... (as I write this post, I'm mentally condensing this chapter into a blurb and incorporating it into a Case Study Introduction section that I didn't know until right this minute I'd be including)
• Special Wheels: The class of Wheels that won't fit right into my overall organization of Wheels, but which make their own easily identified, tidy little class
  
• Case Study: The Necessity of Wheels
• Case Study: Variations in the Use of Wheels by Religion
• Case Study: Variations in the Use of Wheels by Ethnicity (possibly too uncritical a use of "ethnicity", but pretty sure this isn't the place to resolve the nature of the concept in historical archaeology)
  
• Conclusion: Aren't Wheels Cool? Future Directions in Wheels.

Hmmm. That looks like a lot. I'm confident I can get through the Case Studies pretty easily, as long as I don't think about stuff TOO hard, and go off on TOO many tangents. I need to do the Why Wheels At All chapter. That's my hangup right now.

And I'll get right on it, as soon as I've finished messing around with my Really Early Wheels chapter.

Community and Precious Snowflakes

More Reverb10

December 7 – Community.

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I have discovered community in 2010, yes. It's a nice thing. But very new; needs more time to coalesce.

December 8 – Beautifully Different.

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

Seriously, I'm glad I hadn't eaten before I read this. For realz?

Instead I will briefly address Clio's Alternate Prompt "what pisses you off." At the top of my list right now are Precious Snowflakes. Especially when their Precious Snowflakeness is SO much more important than that of all the other Precious Snowflakes.

Make

Another Reverb10 Entry.

December 6 – Make.

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

(Author: Gretchen Rubin)

Hmmm. I have to think about this. I create things for work -- reports, graphics, stories... I mean narrative descriptions, budgets. I cook dinners, which is making things. I make lesson plans, syllabi, and hopefully a learning environment for my students. I am writing a book, which is sort of an abstract making of a thing.

The first thing that popped into my head when I read this, though, was making in the sense of creative hobby. And the things I immediately thought of were baking and cross-stitch. I haven't baked in years because, quite frankly, my oven sucks and has no temperature control. I haven't done cross-stitch in years because I haven't had the time. I should pick it up again; I have an assortment of unfinished projects, many of which I think are ugly now and have no desire to finish. There are a couple of them, though, that I still really like. I did a lot of work a few years ago when I was sitting in hospital every week during a friend's treatment.

This prompt makes me feel like I should make some time to work on my needlework. That makes me feel overwhelmed; I need to feel less overwhelmed. I need to make some time for me; and that making needs to include letting go of a bunch of shoulds. My needlework will be there when I'm ready to do it again.

Passages, Wonder, and Letting Go

My dad passed away yesterday morning. I was there, as were several of my siblings and his wife. I am so glad that I got to be there, and I'm sorry that not all of us could be. Dad always was happiest when all his kids were around. Though it was the first time I've been present when a person passed, I've been there for several pets. Being there when someone/something I love dies is, in my experience, not nearly as traumatic and horrible as I always imagine it will be.


Reverb10 entries for yesterday and today. Theme: minimalism:

December 4 – Wonder.

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

(Author: Jeffrey Davis)

The tagline of my blog sums it up... out of my head and into the world. The world is actually a pretty amazing place, if you care to pay attention. Things that have made me feel wonder this year: nature; art; genuine friends; research.

December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

(Author: Alice Bradley)

The easy answer is that I got rid of mountains of stuff. The stuff, though, isn't really important (the fact that I was hoarding it and that I got rid of it is important; the actual physical stuff not so much). It has felt wonderful to un-burden myself of stuff I've been lugging around with me for literally decades. There's been only one thing that I wished I hadn't gotten rid of, and that wish was very fleeting.

The more complicated answer: the process of letting go emotionally for me this year has been more about transformation than about erasure. Not about forgetting about someone or a relationship, but changing my perceptions of it. Of dis-investing myself of a particular outcome or reality and accepting what is. Certainly not a fait accompli on my part, but I'm getting there.

Moment

More Reverb10.

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

(Author: Ali Edwards)

My first response to this question was to skip it. My dad is dying, and I didn't feel like writing something happy. Then I started to consider what "feeling alive" means. Some moments from the past year that I've felt alive include being shit-faced drunk on red wine with good friends (and a place to crash out, and huevos rancheros for breakfast the next morning); dancing with great dancers to a great band and caller; sitting in the woods listening to the birds and the breeze in the trees; the rush of adrenaline and amazement from discovering that I'm physically stronger than I thought I was.

The common theme to these for me is being connected -- to friends, to nature, to a community of dancers, to myself. And that means that grieving is also feeling alive.

One Word

I stumbled on Reverb10 via Clio Bluestocking's faboo blog, and thought that it might be just the thing I need. It's been a hell of a year, and it isn't over yet. I'm hoping this exercise will help me with some perspective. Hopefully, I won't lose points for handing in my December 1 entry a day late!

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

My word for 2010 is upheaval -- in the sense of big changes, not necessarily in the sense of bad things (though there are bad things). The biggies this year: break-up of a long relationship and subsequent pending divorce (and negotiations over property and cats); grad school applications and good noises about having an academic home next year; a couple of publications; the sudden decline and pending death of my father; deaths of a friend, a colleague, a grandmother, and a pet of two decades; new and surprising hobbies that I love; some great new friends and renewed connections with old friends; finding myself and being myself a little more; active pursuit of my mental health, with good results; and in the last few months, actually feeling happy.

The word I would like for 2011 is resolution.


December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I do a lot of things every day that don't contribute to my writing (and I define my writing as writing for me, as opposed to the writing I do for work). Working takes up a lot of time as does sleeping; but both of them do contribute to my writing in terms of paying bills and staying functional. I watch tv, but not a lot; not contributory to writing, but usually occurs when I'm too fried to do anything else. I spend a lot of time surfing the Internets instead of firing up my writing. It's easier to skim emails and read Facebook than to open Word and do something.

Thing is, not writing just makes me feel worse about not having written. Which makes me more unlikely to write. It is a vicious cycle of inertia. Can I eliminate it? I can work at it. I'll try leaving my writing open on my computer; if I don't have to work to find and open the files, perhaps I can get something done.