Passages, Wonder, and Letting Go

My dad passed away yesterday morning. I was there, as were several of my siblings and his wife. I am so glad that I got to be there, and I'm sorry that not all of us could be. Dad always was happiest when all his kids were around. Though it was the first time I've been present when a person passed, I've been there for several pets. Being there when someone/something I love dies is, in my experience, not nearly as traumatic and horrible as I always imagine it will be.


Reverb10 entries for yesterday and today. Theme: minimalism:

December 4 – Wonder.

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

(Author: Jeffrey Davis)

The tagline of my blog sums it up... out of my head and into the world. The world is actually a pretty amazing place, if you care to pay attention. Things that have made me feel wonder this year: nature; art; genuine friends; research.

December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

(Author: Alice Bradley)

The easy answer is that I got rid of mountains of stuff. The stuff, though, isn't really important (the fact that I was hoarding it and that I got rid of it is important; the actual physical stuff not so much). It has felt wonderful to un-burden myself of stuff I've been lugging around with me for literally decades. There's been only one thing that I wished I hadn't gotten rid of, and that wish was very fleeting.

The more complicated answer: the process of letting go emotionally for me this year has been more about transformation than about erasure. Not about forgetting about someone or a relationship, but changing my perceptions of it. Of dis-investing myself of a particular outcome or reality and accepting what is. Certainly not a fait accompli on my part, but I'm getting there.

Moment

More Reverb10.

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

(Author: Ali Edwards)

My first response to this question was to skip it. My dad is dying, and I didn't feel like writing something happy. Then I started to consider what "feeling alive" means. Some moments from the past year that I've felt alive include being shit-faced drunk on red wine with good friends (and a place to crash out, and huevos rancheros for breakfast the next morning); dancing with great dancers to a great band and caller; sitting in the woods listening to the birds and the breeze in the trees; the rush of adrenaline and amazement from discovering that I'm physically stronger than I thought I was.

The common theme to these for me is being connected -- to friends, to nature, to a community of dancers, to myself. And that means that grieving is also feeling alive.

One Word

I stumbled on Reverb10 via Clio Bluestocking's faboo blog, and thought that it might be just the thing I need. It's been a hell of a year, and it isn't over yet. I'm hoping this exercise will help me with some perspective. Hopefully, I won't lose points for handing in my December 1 entry a day late!

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

My word for 2010 is upheaval -- in the sense of big changes, not necessarily in the sense of bad things (though there are bad things). The biggies this year: break-up of a long relationship and subsequent pending divorce (and negotiations over property and cats); grad school applications and good noises about having an academic home next year; a couple of publications; the sudden decline and pending death of my father; deaths of a friend, a colleague, a grandmother, and a pet of two decades; new and surprising hobbies that I love; some great new friends and renewed connections with old friends; finding myself and being myself a little more; active pursuit of my mental health, with good results; and in the last few months, actually feeling happy.

The word I would like for 2011 is resolution.


December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I do a lot of things every day that don't contribute to my writing (and I define my writing as writing for me, as opposed to the writing I do for work). Working takes up a lot of time as does sleeping; but both of them do contribute to my writing in terms of paying bills and staying functional. I watch tv, but not a lot; not contributory to writing, but usually occurs when I'm too fried to do anything else. I spend a lot of time surfing the Internets instead of firing up my writing. It's easier to skim emails and read Facebook than to open Word and do something.

Thing is, not writing just makes me feel worse about not having written. Which makes me more unlikely to write. It is a vicious cycle of inertia. Can I eliminate it? I can work at it. I'll try leaving my writing open on my computer; if I don't have to work to find and open the files, perhaps I can get something done.

A Little Bit Anthropologist

For your viewing pleasure, while I continue to wrangle grad applications...

Public Archaeology

1. I'm still alive, and life is pretty good, especially when I stop freaking out about looming grad school application deadlines, and just work on getting the suckers finished up and out the door.

2. I've been doing some reading in applied anthropology/applied archaeology/critical archaeology/engaged archaeology and all those other variations that involve archaeology being explicitly relevant, engaged, political, and collaborative. I found this summary of what public archaeology is, and wanted to share, since it's generally one of those amorphous concepts:

[Public archaeology is] more than learning how to handle volunteers at the site, making public talks, and presenting archaeological information in interesting ways. It includes those aspects, but also includes a willingness to share fully in both the production and presentation of archaeological knowledge, and to engage in the debates that surround public perceptions of those materials. (Carol McDavid, quoted in Michael Lucas)

Sources:
McDavid, Carol (1997) Introduction: In the Realm of Politics: Prospects for Public Participation in African-American Archaeology. Historical Archaeology 31(3):1-4

Lucas, Michael T. (2004) Applied Archaeology and the Construction of Place at Mount Calvert, Prince George's County, Maryland. IN Paul A. Shackel and Erve J. Chambers Places in Mind: Public Archaeology as Applied Anthropology, Routledge, New York, pp. 119-134